Wife Dilemma: Nourish yourself and Cherish your Spouse!


Dear Woman,

Let me tell you some truths about marriage today!

These will surely break your heart but you got to know them. I understand you entered into a beautiful relation called marriage with so many hopes. Most of them centred around love and more importantly, attention.

I don’t think we get married with material intentions of money or properties. Love is the driving force for this relationship.

All of us want a loving and caring spouse, all the time. All the time, that’s the issue.

There are moments when we are craving for his attention, but he is busy. It happens more than once and our waiting turns into frustration, and then into anger. It leads to arguments, fights and no talking days. You wonder what happened to that affectionate person you married. He was calling you ten times a day and endless messages were exchanged during your courtship period. Is he cheating on you?

The reasons might be many. A baby arriving will turn men into work machines, their world revolves around finances and other responsibilities at work.

He may be over-ambitious, trying to make his place in this dogs eat dogs world. Else, there might be this important project about which his boss is pressurizing him.

You call him to enquire if he had his lunch, he doesn’t call back. Your concerned “How is it going” has no replies. He comes home tired and goes to sleep or watches TV without clarifying what is happening.

You know he met at least ten people that day, but has no time of two and half seconds to message “I love you”, which will make you forget all your woes.

You cry yourself to sleep over this, without his notice. You were longing to tell him all the details of your day, how someone complimented you, or something your mother-in-law said rashly, but he doesn’t even ask how was your day.

I assure you this is a painful but temporary phase. Sometimes men just cut themselves off from the most important relationship. Once your man is assured the most lovely woman, that is you, are in his life, his focus turns to career and related achievements, learning or networking. Please make sure you are not stressing him at this phase. When we are pressurized, we tend to take it out on others.

What to do then? I will conclude with a small story.

A disciple gave up all his worldly belongings to be at his Guru’s ashram, just like we give up whatever we have to be with our beloved. The Guru , deliberately or otherwise, did not even look at this disciple for six months of time. The confused disciple wanted to leave the ashram, but stayed. He paid attention to himself meanwhile. He worked on his emotional balance, started reading Vedas, acquired knowledge, served in the hospital and canteen, taught students Yoga. Three years passed, and the Guru, from among thousands of gathering, called this disciple, and showed him as an example to all. He said the disciple worked on himself so much, it did not matter if the Guru paid attention to him or not.

Perhaps days like this are an inner calling for you to pay attention to yourself. May be study, or learn something new like a foreign language? Try that home-based business, or join Yoga classes, or start blogging to help others? There are many ways to improve yourselves.

As for your guy, he is yours forever. Men reveal little, though they might be going through a lot. Trust me, he will be back to you soon, and you will forget all this trauma. Why fret over something which is temporary. Men are goal centric. Let him get what he wants professionally, and he will relax, and be back with his family in no time. And for sure, he will proudly speak of your support and accomplishments to all.

Till then, take care of yourself, polish the diamond, that is you.

Shanthi Komaravolu

Earlier I published this article on mycity4kids parenting magazine under the title My Apologies To All The Women Reading This…

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